DRUMMER COLUMN:
SATIRE, ASTROLOGIC
©Jack Fritscher. See Permissions, Reprints, Quotations, Footnotes

When the moon is in the 7th house
and Jupiter has moved into shit......

ASTROLOGIC:
SAGITTARIUS
by Jack Fritscher

AUTHOR'S HISTORICAL CONTEXT INTRODUCTION
DRAFT VERSION

Written October 30, 1978, and published in Drummer 26, January 1979. Once again, Aristede of Los Angeles withheld his astrologic column, so I took a cue from the Broadway musical Hair with the lead line on the masthead of “When the moon...” and knocked this out in five minutes. In fact, Aristede’s going on strike typifies some internal evidence of how Drummer was run regarding time and money. This issue, Drummer 26, is numbered as the January 1979 issue. (Drummer 25 was called the “Christmas issue.) Actually, the issue, like most Drummer issues, was behind schedule as evidenced by this November-December astrological column which seems a tad late for a January issue.

            One way of dating the month for any early Drummer magazine, where the month was not included on the masthead page, is to check out the astrologic column which at least give the intent of the schedule. Somewhere I calculated that if Drummer had stayed on schedule monthly, there would have been not around two hundred issues, but three hundred. Delays cut Drummer down by a third.

            hat’s a serious blow to gay art and culture, and it left an opening during the 1980s for Bear magazine to take up the slack, because eventually Brush Creek Media became more Drummer than Drummer itself, even employing former Drummer editors (Joseph Bean) and Drummer staff in magazines whose titles show how they were spun out of themes in Drummer: leather in Leather Man magazine, western in Bunkhouse magazine, uncut in Foreskin Quarterly, wild edge sex in Power Play magazine.

            In 1978, in this Sagittarius column, I played with the Jim Jones’ Kool-Aid suicide in Guayana by turning the “Guyana Holiday Inn” into the Eagles’ “Hotel California” where you can check in, but you can never leave.

            Here I reveal intent and influence. In the 1970s, the Eagles were the soundtrack of Drummer magazine.

            From “Hotel California” to “New Kid in Town” to “Desperado” and all the songs in between, the Eagles’ songs express the exact emotions of Drummer magazine. Analogously, in fact, when reading the Drummer novel, Some Dance to Remember, ideally the Eagles’ album, Hotel California, should be played full blast when taking breaks between chapters.

            In this 1978 astrological satire, I spun my Catholic catechism class into celebrating “January 1, the feast of the Circumcision” with an uncut orgy; and coded messages to the merde crowd, made fun of Senator Briggs “No on 6,” and made comment about my tired 1969 Toyota Land Cruiser.

            Typical of his sly humor, A. Jay created a deft sagittarian drawing of a muscular, naked “USMC Suction Sharpshooter” holding a bow and arrow (with a nipple-suction cup on the tip), and a target drawn on his bubblebutt, with his dick rampant. –JF, January 17, 2000

©2000, 2003 Jack Fritscher

The column was written in October, 1978,
and published in Drummer 26, January 1979

When the moon is in the 7th house
and Jupiter has moved into shit......

ASTROLOGIC:
SAGITTARIUS
by Jack Fritscher

SAGITTARIUS S: (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21):
New romance possible in the beginning year. However, your bad attitude and tendency to know-it-all can ruin the relationship even before it gets off the ground. Good! That’s really mean.
SAGITTARIUS M: Good M’s get more out of the pain of broken past relationships than on the relationships themselves.

CAPRICORN S: (Dec. 22 - Jan 20): A change can do you good. Start the year off right. Move to a new location, or even a new city. Don’t forget to unchain those slaves in the basement before the new tenants move in.
CAPRICORN M: A fresh new dungeon is in your future. That means you have to be housebroken all over again.

AQUARIUS S: (Jan. 21 - Feb. 29): Winter weather can be a real pain in the ass. Don’t let your slaves piss outside: What good is a cock on the end of a six-foot icicle.
AQUARIUS M: Strand yourself in a blizzard and hope your Master cares enough to go searching for you. But don’t bank on it.

PISCES S: (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20): Carve a fetish idol in the image of Rev. Jim Jones and make your slave perform rituals around it. Serve lots of Kool-aid in old tub.
PISCES M: Get away to a warm climate for the winter. The Guyana Holiday Inn has lots of openings: You check in; they check you out.

ARIES S: (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19): Did you start the new year off with a bang. If you didn’t, maybe a gang-bang around the middle of the month will suffice.
ARIES M: Call your S around the 15th. Be sure to douche severely with a good astringent. (Perrier water will not do!)

TAURUS S: (Apr. 20 - May 20): The Catholic Church celebrates Jan. 1 as the Feast of the Circumcision. Throw yourself a Roman (Catholic) orgy and invite only uncut studs. Let something festive develop.
TAURUS M: If you’re uncut, see above; if not, sew a piece of chicken skin on your cock for effect.

GEMINI S: (May 21 - June 21): As the nostalgic strains of “Sleep in Heavenly Piss” filter from the bygone holiday season, resolve to begin this new year with a fresh new harem of slaves. Round-up and branding time is a real hoot in winter.
GEMINI M: Expect to be lassoed and hog-tied to a disco beat by some urban cowboy with a microwave branding iron.

CANCER S: (June 22 - July 21): Take your favorite M to see Midnight Express at the local cinema and tease him with fantasies of torture in Turkish prisons.
CANCER M: Ask your Master if you can stay for the midnight showing in case you missed something really disgusting.

LEO S: (July 22 - Aug. 21): Welcome the new year in with a masquerade and merde party. Everyone is to come as their favorite toilet...or in their favorite toilet.
LEO M: When someone wishes you a shitty New Year, take them literally.

VIRGO S: (Aug. 22 - Sept. 22): Have a Leather New Year. Start fresh with a whole new fantasy wardrobe. However, Gucci is definitely over-reacting.
VIRGO M: Renew an old flame...set your pubic hair on fire.

LIBRA S: (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22): Wallpaper your dungeon for the New Year. Select a tastefully sadistic pattern. I hear Senator Briggs of California has tons of leftover “YES ON 6” bumper stickers.
LIBRA M: This new year will probably be your most humiliating year ever. You will become pregnant.

SCORPIO S: (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21): Time to move up in luxury relative to your status as an S. Trade that tired old Toyota in on a MIG fighter.
SCORPIO M: Wear all blue Christmas lights on your back so your Master can use your ass as a runway.

©1978, 2003 Jack Fritscher

ILLUSTRATIONS

Copyright 2007 by Jack Fritscher, Ph.D. & Mark Hemry - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED