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150                                     Jack Fritscher, Ph.D.
            mature, and shaving, and he smoked even though it was against the rules,
            and he was great pals with our other classmate from Texas, the muscular
            Carl Poirot who had a tattoo that none of us nicer boys ever spoke about.
            I had no concept of sex; I only wanted “to be like them.”
               So in April 1963, I told him that the “J. Cristobal” story had been sent
            by a freelance author to The Josephinum Review, and that I was supposed
            to edit it, and what did he think of it. He said he thought the story was
            written by a homosexual sadist. (I didn’t even know that such a category
            existed!) He was kind enough not to let on if he thought I was the author,
            but I was secretly delighted to know I had company out in the big world.
               Since 1990, David Fellhauer has been the Catholic bishop of Victo-
            ria, Texas, and, while he has otherwise been a magnificent prelate, he has
            allegedly admitted that he made an administrative mistake in handling
            the diocesan re-assignment of a priest suspected of molestation of minors.
            If he pegged me by reading four typed pages of fiction in 1963, how did
            he, reading massive legal documents, miss what he should have done in
            Texas in 1993? But then, he did nothing about me.
               I was, even as a boy ingenue who played football and basketball and
            softball, not perceived as homosexual because a queer in our seminary
            training was defined as “a man who comes up to you in a bus station, and
            you kick him in the groin.” That is an exact quote (1955) from the Dean of
            Discipline, the Reverend George Kempker, USMC, who told of his nights
            keeping watch as chaplain in WWII barracks where young Catholic sol-
            diers slept with both hands outside the blankets, fingers wrapped in their
            rosaries. Because the mostly farm-boy seminarians had no keyword for an
            ordinary gay boy, some of the more astute kidded me about being a writer
            and a bon vivant. Was that code? What kind of popularity was it when
            high-school boys and then college seminarians invited me to the woods
            several times a week to struggle in what we called slow-motion movie
            wrestling in jeans and T-shirts with no sex involved? Once, at seventeen,
            I noticed one of my favorite wrestling partners had a hardon in his jeans,
            and without mentioning why, I told him we could never wrestle again. All
            he said was, “It’s your fault.” I didn’t get it; his hardon was his own doing;
            his mortal sin came from something unspoken inside him, not from me
            in my clueless chastity. And then he said, “You’re so pretty you should be
            a girl.” My fist bloodied his nose.
               When David Fellhauer wrote to me in the 1960s, he addressed me as
            “Dear Worldly Jack.” At the same post-seminary time — say, 11/6/68, a
            certain wonderful Jim Pogue in Chicago was writing me thank-you letters
            addressed: “Beloved Catamite! Glorious Ganymede! Voluptuous Whore!”
               The polarity was perfect for this Gemini.

          ©Jack Fritscher, Ph.D., All Rights Reserved—posted 05-05-2017
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