Page 37 - Gay San Francisco_Eyewitness Drummer
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Gay San Francisco: Eyewitness Drummer                  17
                But not one of them ever held me.
                With one important exception. How many men do you know strong
             enough and self-aware enough to fathom you might need holding. Then
             and there. No waiting around for the appropriate time. No bullshit. You
             need to be held in that moment and someone walks into your life who
             sees not only right through you, but beyond you into what you need. Not
             as a writer. Not as a boy-editor. Not as an artist. Not as an opportunist.
             Not as a poet. Not as a gay anything. But as a human being. Drummer
             was the loss of everything. For me.
                With one huge exception. The man is a sculptor. He has pounded out
             the likes of us in sometimes horrifying detail. He knows us. He hears us.
             He sees us. He sees through us. He can smell us a mile away. Sometimes
             what he knows is that we are not as invulnerable as we pretend we are.
                In many ways, he is still holding me.
                His name is Jack.


             Tim Barrus, who was editor of Drummer issues 117-121 in 1988, is the
             controversial author of many novels including Genocide (1988), To Indigo
             Dust (1992), and — writing as his channeled identifier the Native-Amer-
             ican Nasdijj — The Blood Runs Like a River through My Dreams (2001),
             The Boy and His Dog Are Sleeping (2003), and Geronimo’s Bones: A Memoir
             of My Brother and Me (2005). He
             was the subject of a major article
             by Andrew Chaikivsky in Esquire
             (May 2006). His fiction also
             appeared in  Drummer  issues 67,
             72, and 77. He was the founder of
             the 1980s “LeatherLit Movement”
             in San Francisco. As chief editor at
             Knights Press in 1988, he acquired
             and directed the first publication
             of Jack Fritscher’s  Some Dance to
             Remember: A Memoir-Novel of San
             Francisco  1970-1982. Married to
             Tina Giovanni, Tim Barrus is a
             filmmaker who lives and works in
             Paris.







           ©Jack Fritscher, Ph.D., All Rights Reserved—posted 05-05-2017
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