Page 439 - Gay San Francisco_Eyewitness Drummer
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Gay San Francisco: Eyewitness Drummer                 419
                    Editor’s Note: This feature is early documentation of Fritscher’s
                long-standing satirizing of Schwarzenegger. Visit a search engine such
                as Google for “Schwarzenegger + Mapplethorpe + Fritscher” to read
                about the political eBay censorship scandal as reported by the Associ-
                ated Press, October 5, 2003.  — Mark Hemry

             II.  The feature essay as published in Drummer 19, December 1977

             A Photo-Spread of the Movies’
             Most Handsome Muscle Man . . .

                       Steve Reeves’ Screen Test

             It is no secret that the dialogue for most Italian-produced muscle epics is
             put in later and the voices belong to actors other than those on the screen.
             Many have wondered what the voice of mighty Steve Reeves really sounds
             like. That, we can’t bring you. But we can fill you in on what was really
             being said in some of these Reeves’ pas de deux from the muscle-musical
             Barbell Romance, an Arnold Schwarzeneanderthal film in Steroidoscope.
             Photos courtesy of Alan Tuck. Dialogue by Jack Fritscher, Robert Payne,
             and the hangers-on around the art room [A. Jay], who would be most
             happy to give Mr. Reeves equal time, should he care to come around.

             “Okay, Steve. You can breathe out now. Steve . . . Steve?”

             “Let’s see. For an S, it’s chains on the right. Or is it left? Or is it left for
             Top on the West Coast and right for the Top in New York? Or is it in the
             middle for the Midwest?”

             “I swear I’ll never again squeeze the Charmin.”

             “Tits and ass won’t get you jobs — unless they’re yours.”

             “Get down, sweathog, and lick my pits.”

             “Alright, who threw that pie?”

             “What do you guys mean the scene isn’t over? I distinctly heard the direc-
             tor yell, ‘Cut.’”

             “What the fuck you mean you gave my name at the clinic?”

           ©Jack Fritscher, Ph.D., All Rights Reserved—posted 05-05-2017
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