Page 423 - Gay San Francisco_Eyewitness Drummer
P. 423

Gay San Francisco: Eyewitness Drummer                403
             GEMINI S: (May 21 - Jun. 21): On the sixth day of Christmas, become
                a toker and a taker. Buy a year’s supply of macho cigars.
             GEMINI M: Learn the niceties of storing cigars in dark places where the
                air is properly humidified.
             CANCER S: (Jun. 22 - Jul. 21): On the seventh day of Christmas, clip
                your nails, practice your ambi-dexterity, and insert both fists at once.
             CANCER M: Fall on your knees and hear the angel voices.
             LEO S: (Jul. 22 - Aug. 21): On the eighth day of Christmas, invite a
                surgeon specializing in circumcisions over for a threeway.
             LEO M: Cross your legs, hit your amyl, and kiss your smegma goodbye.
             VIRGO S: (Aug. 22 - Sep. 22): On the ninth day of Christmas, bike out to
                the local lovers’ lane. Make your M collect the scumbags. Take them
                home to the microwave he insisted on for Christmas.
             VIRGO M: Pretend you’re Barbara Hale. Punch your Amana and learn
                how to hum “Green Sleeves” with your mouth full. [Reference to
                actress Hale who made a last stand in her career as a TV pitch-woman
                for Amana kitchen appliances.]
             LIBRA S: (Sep. 23 - Oct. 22): On the tenth day of Christmas, reserve the
                bathtub at the Mineshaft in New York City. Buy beers for the house.
             LIBRA M: Since you hardly ever have any fun, beg Santa for scuba gear
                and a straw. Even recycled, boycott Coors.
             SCORPIO S: (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21): On the eleventh day of Christmas,
                resolve to live your 1978 life in the fast lane. [This is a reference to the
                Eagles’ Hotel California and their song “Life in the Fast Lane” with
                its line “Everything all the time.” At this time, I was writing Some
                Dance to Remember whose title is a line quoted from Hotel California.]
             SCORPIO M: You are insatiably perversatile. Your answer to any S is
                “Everything all the time.” (Also stop trying to turn Virgo S’s into
             SAGITTARIUS S: (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21): On the twelfth day of Christmas,
                pump up an even heavier sweat at the gym. Save water. Don’t shower.
                Go directly home.
             SAGITTARIUS M: Ditch your color-coded handkerchiefs. Stick a yellow
                washcloth in your right rear pocket. Wait at home. Then tongue and

           ©Jack Fritscher, Ph.D., All Rights Reserved—posted 05-05-2017
   418   419   420   421   422   423   424   425   426   427   428